Friday, July 29, 2011

Sitting and watching...

I'm sitting here watching Kaden sleep (yes I'm typing this while watching him sleep...he fell asleep in his car seat on the way home from Grandma's house) I realize he is going to be mad at me when he stirs and realizes I left him sleeping in his car seat. It doesn't matter that I'm sitting next to him as he snoozes its just the fact that he is sleeping in that seat while NOT in a car that's really going to burn him up.

--pause--


That's my boy...as soon as I typed it he woke up. Mad? Oh yeah! But, I can't bring myself to disrupt his dreams. I'm realizing that is another HUGE part of parenting that starts from the day your child is born until the day they bury you...not only NOT disrupting or getting in the way of their dreams but almost encouraging, nudging them, or...more like PUSHING THEM towards them. Not because you want them to be madly rich, powerful, successful...but you want them to be HAPPY. Because although Kaden cried when he realized he was in that chair...after he saw my face, saw that I was right there to help him out of it, I got one of the BEST side grins out of him. The one that says "yeah I know I was just crying Ma but, you have me now so I'm good".

So I'm ok with Kaden being mad at me every once in a while because it's my job to remind him to dream while he can. As long as he knows he has my support in every dream that creeps into his head. Pretty powerful stuff when these realizations hit. Being a parent does this to you. Makes you step back and look at how this ONE little action, this ONE little decision to either let the child sleep and dream or get him up and ready for bed, this one hug, this one "I Love You" changes him. Molds him. And I'm responsible for the shape and outcome. Powerful.



Quote of the day:
"
If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent." ~Bette Davis

Thursday, July 21, 2011

As I stated in my previous post, life very appropriately is in a constant state of change. Charles got laid off. I've been debating on whether or not I wanted to write about this...because it is still so fresh and quite honestly I've never been so floored that I thought we'd lose everything we worked so hard for. BUT. Writing is my therapy, thus I'm going to unload in this post.

We were both caught completely off guard. It was Saturday June 18th...the day before Charles' very FIRST Father's day...I had cards from Kaden and I, a balloon and his favorite cookies. Just waiting for him to get home from work which was usually around 5:45 on Saturdays. I had Kaden at my moms hanging out until I had a chance to give Charles his father's day goodies then I was going to go get Kaden so we could enjoy some family time. He came home. I was joking with him in the garage just standing in front of his car so he couldn't pull in. Shaking my booty at him "nah nah nah boo boo" sort of stuff. I could tell something was wrong the second I saw his face though. "What's wrong?" I'm almost expecting his normal replies "EFFING PAVING ON 20!!! Traffic was ridiculous" or "Q is such an idiot" Typical "I dislike most of the people I work with" or "Atlanta traffic" complaints which can easily be fixed with COOKIES!!!! :-) :-) and a kiss...but no such luck.

He told me he got "laid off" which I've always thought was a sugar coated way of saying "Got fired for NOTHING". I first thought "why?! What could you have possibly done to deserve this?". I mean I'm not stupid. I know we are in a recession. I know people on a daily basis are losing their jobs for no reason what so ever other than LACK OF STUFF TO DO! But to be frank....We hadn't until this point been affected by the recession. We both had jobs that thankfully allowed us to pay our bills and although we never had enough for SAVINGS at least we paid our BILLS. Then I immediately started seeing red. Wanting to get in my truck and go right this OBVIOUS mistake. To tell those people exactly what I thought of them. To tell them how strategically they were screwing their company over by letting someone go who avoided making costly mistakes and who was a forward thinker. A problem solver. A HARD and SMART worker. As opposed to the IDIOT of a "manager" that worked OVER him. Someone who made obvious mistakes OVER AND OVER again. Someone who was costing them MONEY more than MAKING them money. This business move was illogical.

Charles was ultimately calm. Upset? Yes. But not irrational. I was on FIRE. I felt betrayed by these people. Every time I've seen them it was all lollipops and love. They bragged on Charles incessantly. All of it was just a load of bullshit. I calmed down...eventually. I will not forget those assholes but I've calmed down about it. I've come to accept that this is what happened and now we have to pick up and keep on going for Kaden, for our family, for our sanity.

Charles hit the ground running. Emailing resumes, reaching out to any and everybody who seemed as if they needed help. He started with jobs that were available in his preferred field. But he also swallowed his pride and made contact with businesses that he would have to be trained from day ONE to do the tasks they were hiring for. He's been so great in this transition. He has been staying positive as much as he can considering the circumstances. And honestly instead of looking at this situation as a misfortune...I'm thinking its more like the light at the end of the tunnel. He HATED his old job. He disliked the people he worked for. This is turning into an opportunity.


Charles NOW has an Interview tomorrow for Prick Magazine. Doing design layout. A tattoo culture magazine? What more could he ask for? This is PERFECT for him. It seems as though the publisher and him have a lot in common or enough so that they could/would have a lot to talk about in the interview.

Its hard to lose your job. To worry about how you're going to provide for your family. Your child. Charles has handled this so well. Our glass is half full! We are staying positive.


That's the update in the Pennington residence. Nothing too crazy. Stressful? Yes. Crazy? Not so much. Charles is making the best of things. He really is my rock.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Been awhile

So it's been a super long time since I've done this BUT, its never too late to write. My life (our life as a family) has changed, gotten bigger, moved around but all in all LIFE IS GOOD.

Since I've last blogged Charles and I have accomplished a lot. I got promoted at work in 2009. Bought a home November 2009, Charles got promoted in early 2010. I found out I was pregnant in April 2010 (April 5th to be exact). I gave birth to a 7lb 10 oz beautiful baby boy on December 16th at 12:44 pm one day AFTER my due date. Brought Mr. Kaden Lee Michael Pennington home on December 25th (best X-Mas gift ever) after a week stint in the N.I.C.U for a neo-natal infection. That was a super rough time for me recovering from a C-section that I didn't want to have and was unexpected to begin with. Being discharged and leaving without my baby. Then going back and forth to the hospital to see my baby. Waddling around with swollen legs and feet. Hunched over because my stomach hurt so bad. Having to see him hooked up to machines. Having to see his poor foot and eventually arm poked with IV catheters. Having to hear "reports" on my child and how "good or bad" he did that day when I just wanted to yell at those nurses "YOU MAY NOT WANT TO EAT EITHER IF YOU WERE SICK! YOU MAY NOT POOP ON SCHEDULE!!! YOU MAY CRY INCESSANTLY IF YOU WERE SICK!!!".

After getting him home its been an up and down up and down roller coaster of "is this normal? How do I do this? Should I do this because he is doing THIS???" I called my mom a lot in the beginning. I got Kaden on a schedule by the time he was 2 months. Slept through the night. I went back to work March 10th and it really messed with Kaden's schedule.....SOOOO Since I've been back to work its been a mad house. Its hard to work all day, come home cook and take care of Kaden, Clean up after dinner, get Kaden bathed and fed and in bed by a decent hour. Then getting into bed MYSELF at a decent hour just to wake up occasionally at night to get Kaden back to sleep and then still wake up at 5:30 or 6 depending on my work schedule get us ready for the day then out the door. Its so much but at the same time....it's a good busy. Kaden is so easy on me. He is an extremely happy baby. And for that I'm happy.

Now, We are still getting into a schedule but I think we are almost there. Life has been busy and in a constant state of change since 2009....SOOOOO I'm happy and content with being a home body for a while. I'm happy and content to do nothing but hang out with Charles and Kaden.


Those are the updates in a nutshell.....now for the quote of the day:

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds!"
-Bob Marley



Glad to be back,
SHAY!!!!!!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Late ramblings...

Things I want to learn (and SOON):
Crochet
Knitting
Polymer clay pendents
mosaics
jewelry making (I have all of the stuff thanks to family and Christmas gifts from friends)

Things I NEED to take care of (immediately):
Get a second job
name change at work (although I've faxed in all my documentation of my name change...it still hasn't been processed and I need to follow-up)


I am trying to work around my situation and not let myself get wrapped up in it. I don't want to lose who I've become because of this. This lack of money. This lack of opportunity at a seemingly great job (no full time and no way to be promoted). To be able to get a second job and stop worrying myself to death about bills, building a savings account, starting a retirement plan, and looking for our first house would be an amazing burden lifted from my shoulders.

If only I could make money from my crafts...sell them and get enough from selling them that I can save enough money so that we can have a child. I want to have a baby. I know I'm still really young but I KNOW we are ready mentally. We are not however financially stable enough for that.

My husband is trying so hard to keep me positive. He knows me so well and knows how I used to react to stress. I used to be very self-destructive when I was a little younger. Self-harming and making bad decisions. I am not that person anymore. I would become ill if I looked at myself in the mirror and SAW that person again. Its not something I am willing to do. So any and everything I can do to remain positive is only a good thing for me. He keeps my mind off of money. He knows I LOVE to go with him...driving around town looking for abandoned buildings and looking for great photo opportunities for him to shoot. He does photography free lance but he is a Dudley Do Right and refuses to get too close to buildings afraid we will get arrested for trespassing. I love going with him and finding a great place (dilapidated and run down and old and BEAUTIFUL) and I love telling him...."Lets go in! Come on whats the worst that can happen? A cop pulls up and sees a young couple taking photos of a gorgeous old mansion? He tells us to leave and we apologize and we go but at least until he pulls up you are getting GREAT shots of this place" I love the look on his face. That look like "I love this wild and crazy girl. This girl is my best friend." I feel like because I am encouraging him to pursue his dream of photography I am in turn helping myself to let go of silly things that get me all bottled up. Just walking around on a beautiful day listening to his camera click and click and click and taking in all of my surroundings. An old barn wide open (no signs posted about trespassing) walk in and see birds and hay and old equipment. While he is working I am imagining what life was like for people who USED that space before it became what it is today. Men who worked that equipment daily to bring home money to their family. Women who came in to feed the animals that were kept there overnight. Children who ran around that barn playing tag.

Thinking about that makes me feel good. Makes me feel connected to that town.

We drove to two different towns today and visited an old brick store that unfortunately was all closed up but I was able to look through the window and take in the really rich looking old bar and tables and chairs. Great sturdy wooden furniture. We also visited an abandoned fertilizer plant that was just in ruins. There was a train track behind it and I walked down it while Charles was taking picture after picture of any and everything he could capture...I wondered how many trains traveled that track...what they were transporting...what life is like to travel on a train day in a day out for a living.


The day out today was really great. Its free fun and we only had ONE police officer stop and run Charles' tag while we were walking around and we asked if there was a problem he said no and told us to have a great day. It was a successful day and Charles got some really great photos. Images that I hope he can sell as fine art prints. Images that I hope makes him feel good about himself because I am so proud of him. I'm so proud of what we are together.

Today was a good day. No breakdowns. No fits of rage about anything. Tonight I will not lay awake thinking of all the things that are wrong in my life. Maybe tonight I will sleep soundly.

-Shay-

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Everytime I turn around...

Every time I turn around...I find another thing that disappoints me. I hate this!!! I find myself finding more things that annoy me than things that inspire and motivate me. I am 21!!!! TWENTY FRIGGIN' ONE!!! W.T.F. is wrong with me? My mom tells me its because I have low iron and I'm anemic and I need to take better care of myself instead of thinking about other things.

She is so right. I need to get a second job so I can stop being so stressed about money. I need to get back on my exercise schedule...stick to it and take all of my vitamins (EVERYDAY!). I need to start making lists. I used to make lists allllll the time.

Lists like: what I am grateful for, What I love about myself, What I could improve about myself and then make a plan so I can improve my faults, What I love about my husband and our life together, What I love about my current job.

Just something on a piece of paper that solidifies my desire to appreciate life more. Shit maybe I'll start my list RIGHT NOW!

LIST no. ONE:
What I love about myself:
1. I wear my heart on my sleeve. That is NOT a bad thing!
2. I'm compassionate. I empathize.
3. I give advice when asked and I always tell the person that I'm advising exactly what I think! no sugarcoating. No games.
4. I don't play mind games well. I don't like mind games. But I am a fast learner, so if that's the game ANYONE wants to play I'd be a great opponent.
5. I try to help myself before I ask for help.
6. If I get hurt (especially by someone I love with all of my heart) I am quick to say "bye" but also quick to drop my grudge if I feel like the person SERIOUSLY wants to be a better person or wants to apologize for how they've wronged me.
7. If I am upset I have a pity party and then I try to get over it or find a way to move past whatever it is that is getting to me. (like now!)
8. I love my mom...and my family...and my mother in law and sister in law...and the fact that these people in my life makes me feel like I can do WHATEVER I want to do!
9. I'm goal oriented.
10. I'm a giver, not a taker.
11. My mom raised me to be polite but not some one that can be walked all over.

WHEW

I already feel a little better!



No quote or horoscope or recipe tonight! just positive thoughts.

-Shalenna-


Saturday, November 29, 2008

Gobble Gobble day

I am so happy with how Thanksgiving panned out. I got up super early and started cooking. I got Charles involved with cooking too even though he swears he is illiterate in the kitchen. haha. Everything was finished by 2:30 which was PERFECT because our newlywed friends showed up Right as the dinner rolls came out of the oven. I didn't burn a thing. I'm scatterbrained and I can cook and I think I cook well however when there are 5 or 6 different things cooking in the kitchen I forget about one of them. That one thing I typically forget are the dinner rolls. haha. So those were perfect.

We ate then played Scene it which is HILARIOUSLY fun. After Scene it we played Phase 10 then more people started coming over (just in time for my famous cheesecake).

We ate some sweets then the girls got in the kitchen and cleaned it up while the guys talked cars and watched Mixed Martial Arts (UFC re-runs) on TV.

All in all it was pretty good.

-Shalenna-

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Saturday o' fun (RECIPE)

I went to work and the co-workers loved the green bean casserole. It was a huge success. I'm so extremely tired. I have a nocturnal husband who thinks like a five year old (if he goes to bed before 10 he is going to miss something important). So he keeps me up and then I have to get up super early in the morning for work and he sleeps in until 8:30. haha. So I think i'm getting the short end of this stick. He is a goof-ball and I love him more than anything...


So if anyone is interested in the green bean casserole recipe....HERE IT IS. It's fail proof...


Momma's Green Bean Casserole


Ingredients:
*4 Cans of Green Beans
*2 Cans of Crm of Chicken Soup
*one Pkg of Bacon
*One medium Onion
*One can of French Fried Onions
*Salt & Pepper (optional)

Prep:
Preheat oven to 350'
Open package of Bacon and cut vertically three to four sections of bacon and warm over medium heat a skillet for frying the bacon
Open four cans of Green Beans and strain (setting aside a cup of juice from cans)

Begin frying first "batch" of bacon (one of your 3 or 4 sections)
Draining bacon grease between each "batch" (set aside some of the grease for later)
Dice onions and throw in with the last "batch" of bacon to sweat/cook

After bacon is done set on a plate with napkins to remove excess grease.
Combine green beans, soup, bacon, and onion. Gently mix being careful not to cut/mash the beans.
Mixture will be thick. To thin pour some of green bean juice and mix. Then add two or three teaspoons of bacon grease to flavor and mix. (I do no add salt at all because juice from green beans and the grease from the bacon is salty enough). Add more juice to get the mixture to desired thickness. (I like my mixture creamy but not too thick). Pepper to taste.

Bake uncovered for about 30 mins at 350'
Remove from Oven and cover top with the French Fried Onions
Return casserole back to the oven for another 10-15 mins until Fried onions are lightly browned. (watch closely because they burn fast)

Remove from oven. Serve hot. Serves a family of 5 or 6 with leftovers to spare.


GREAT THANKSGIVING DISH.
I have to thank my mom for THIS I love love love love this casserole its my favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving.

Enjoy

-ShayTACULAR!